So the past few days haven’t exactly been normal days for me.
On Saturday night I went to go see some friends in the suburbs and that was lovely. Got to really enjoy myself. Came back Sunday midday and returned to what I had been doing Friday night, re-watching all the harry potter movies. Sunday I stayed up until the wee hours of the morning and finally yesterday I finished watching the last 3 movies. Needless to say it was wonderful and amazing and I fell in love with the Harry Potter series all over again (before you complain don’t worry I will read the books soon enough.)
Today though was quite the rough day. So my spirits haven’t exactly been up because it’s one of those days. A lot of my friends keep telling me that soon enough something will come my way. But if you really went through what I’m going through you’d understand that while those are the only things you can really say right now, it’s not enough. It is so tough (believe me I know I’m not at the worst of it, there are way worse problems and truth be told things could be a lot worse for me.) But you MUST understand, I’m the kind of person that enjoys being independent and taking care of myself. And I was always the one in college saying “I cannot wait to get out in the real world and get a job and my own apartment.” When I was little I was the little girl playing working mom instead of helpless princess. I have always taken care of myself and others around me (some called me my little sister’s second mom). So what do you do when your entire life you’ve been one type of person and all of a sudden you’re life, that you so desperately wanted, isn’t working out how you imagined. It’s easy to understand why I am freaking out. I want to be able to provide for myself and not depend on daddy’s money.
People are saying its a tough economy to which I totally agree, but from my perspective it seems like everyone has a job (even some people I have known in my life to not be so deserving of getting something so easily), so why don’t I? And you start thinking, are you just not good enough? Why won’t they even give me a chance to interview? What is so wrong with me they won’t even take a look at my resume? Why haven’t they called? So many questions I could go on and on. And the worst of it all is finally being contacted about something you applied for and helplessly sitting around waiting to hear back whether you made it or not. (True we do a lot of that in our life like college applications, internships, apartments and everything else in life but man do I hate sitting here just waiting around without being able to do anything or without knowing anything.)
So already feeling down about my job hunt, and lonely since both my best friends are busy with their own life, I got asked a favor today. E, who as I have mentioned before is engaged, asked me to go shopping for her outfit for her engagement party. The favor was asked this morning and the engagement party was tonight. Needless to say I started off already flustered as my hours were counted and not being able to see things on her or contact her (she works from 8-5) were only making me more nervous and anxious. With my phone’s battery low and a mission to find white linen pants and a white top (basically impossible in this season, if you ask me) I hopped on the train to head downtown and began my search. After 3.5 hours and no luck I began panicking. I was so desperate I called a guy friend (as if he’d have any help in the fashion department) for some stress relieve. Of course at 6pm (one hour before the party [where I was supposed to meet her at 6:30pm at her train station] and I still needed to get home [30 min train ride] and get ready) I finally found something suitable to what she asked. Buying 2 pants and 2 white shirts (which if you ask me is impossible to find 2 white things to go together) I finally bolt for the train to head home. Only to be stuck in the same train for 45 mins as a screeching yelling 1 year old (who was conveniently sitting right behind me) who would not be quiet. At this point my headache in full flare, my impatience sinking in, a dead phone and a panic attack coming on the day wasn’t looking promising. Finally arriving at my train station I fast walk home, run in change and fix my make-up and am out the door and back at the train station in 15 minutes.(Yes that fast) And I get on the train to meet up with E where the train stalls for another 10 mins and the other train doesn’t show up for a while. I end up meeting her an hour (7:30) after I was supposed to meet her. We arrive 45 mins late to her own party (7:45pm) , when I find out she wasn’t really liking either shirt I bought (to which point I felt like a failure) but she did end up wearing one of the shirts with the only affordable white linen pants I found and looked great. It was an incredibly hectic and insane day and in the end the party was enjoyable and I ate a lot which was great. Her family is lovely as always and the food was delicious. Came back home and again fell into the reality of my own life with a coughing attack (classic allergies).
I apologize for the length in this post, more than anything it was a rant as to how stressed out and frustrated I am and since everyone else seems to be too busy with their own lives (while mine as at a halt), this was my only outlet.
I sincerely hope your day was much better than mine.
PS- As far as any updates goes, nothing much. Continually writing each other every day a message or two, and sometimes a short conversation. But I will say this seeing all the couples around being all cute does make me wish I had something a bit more solid with Prince Polo. In the end I just hope he realizes all my great qualities and likes me. He seems like a pretty wonderful guy and I really at this point just wish we talked more, so we could get to know each other more. But, as all my friends have been warning me, I am taking it slow as to not fall too fast or get hurt. But the reality of the matter is I’m the type of person that I know whether I like you or not within the first few minutes I meet you (yes that fast, but my opinion can change), but once I have determined I like you, I jump in full force head first (not the smartest if you ask me) but the hopeless romantic in me can’t help it.
This song has been helping me feel better.