So this post isn’t exactly going to be all cheery.
For those who don’t know… I am currently staying with E who is absolutely the best friend ever for letting me stay here this long. But I will say the funny side of all of this is I have become a housewife, something I didn’t want to become for another 10 years. The reason I say that is because I’m the one at home, cleaning up, cooking and not having much to do.
Also funny enough even though I am basically at my most vulnerable for several reasons I need to stay strong for other people. Anyone that knows me knows how this situation is making me feel, and its something I don’t even wish upon my worst enemy. But after holding on my vlogs, Youtube and Younow I have befriended a young girl in high school who occasionally comes to me for advice or sometimes I see things she says and I feel the need to be strong. And that goes for whenever anyone I’m talking to who turns on me and all of a sudden I become the strong one. This is something I have done a lot in the past I don’t even know why..
But the truth is I have no idea what I’m doing. A lot of people try to tell me this is an exciting and amazing part of my life where I can do whatever I want. Well that is simply not true. Because no where will take me… I have applied to jobs in Chicago, LA, NY, even London. I do have a dream to live in London for a bit but it seems like that is not the plan for me. And to be perfectly honest I am running out of hope… I jsut don’t know where my life is supposed to be going… No clue at all…
And to top it all off, even though I am surrounded by friends, I feel more lonely than ever. It seems like everyone around me is falling in love, or getting a boyfriend, or getting engaged. While here I sit more lost than ever. I know that I need to figure out my life before I can get in any sort of relationship but it would be nice to at least have that in my life right now. But who would date me. I’m not in school anymore which means if I were to date someone in school it’d be long distance, and I’m unemployed and what employed guy would want to date an unemployed girl? And how would I even meet men like that. It’s pointless. I’m just going to rely on my tv shows.
Lately my daily routines consist of sleeping, eating and sitting around on my computer… great life huh?