A Gloomy Monday….brings reflection time

‘Ello, 

While the weather somehow got warmer and wetter over night, my mood for mondays remains unchaged. I mean come on, who actually likes Mondays. It’s that day that just sits in a corner quietly sobbing because no one likes them. (Sorry Monday….) But aside from that I had a lovely weekend back in Champaign. Got to see a lot of friends who all asked me the same question: “How’s the real world?” (or some variation of that question) to which i wittily replied “Real.” (i’m not sure how many people actually appreciated that response….oops…) But it’s the best I can come up with (especially after a drink or two). But it’s true. The real world is not all that glamorous and what we expect it to be. It’s not as fantastical as Carrie (from The Carrie Diaries, prequel to Sex and the City) imagines the real world to be like. It’s very much real. Paying bills, having a routine for work, sitting at a desk 8 to 5 every day, cooking every day and cleaning my apartment are some of the things I do on a daily basis. So, as I mentioned, nothing glamorous. Which is why I never know what to reply to that question. 

Another very common question “How’s work?” It’s good, thanks for asking. But truth be told I also had no idea how to answer that. (As much as my friends care about me, sorry but can we not talk about work on the weekend?)  I mean yeah it’s good, I worked hard to get it, and I’m doing well in it, but when they ask for details it gets complicated. Coming into the job I had somewhat of an idea of what I was doing, but a lot of what I’ve learned is through practice, so how exactly am I going to explain that to other people who don’t even have the same area of study as I do. So I did my best to explain, and if you’re reading this and I tried to explain it to you I hope it made sense. (And if it didn’t thanks for playing along and pretending like you did.) 

But today I wanted to talk about something else. This weekend I watched this tag going around my british youtubers about them drawing out their lives. Some of them have done so much with their lives and are just as old as I am. It made me really think, how I really haven’t done too much with my life, that’s too different I mean. And it got me thinking what do I want to be doing with my life. And to be perfectly honest, I have no idea. I’ve always thought I knew exactly what I wanted, but in this past year so many different things have happened and it’s made me re-think everything. I mean I discovered the amazing world of social media, which I absolutely love. And if there has been one thing consistently in my life, it’s been social media.  I’ve had a Xanga, Myspace, AIM, MSN, Yahoo Chat, Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, WordPress, and now Youtube.That’s way more than a lot of people can say they’ve used and still use. Which makes me believe I should be doing something with social media. But I’m not sure what. I’m currently really enjoying my job, but I’m not cut out to do an office job every day from 8 to 5 for the rest of my life. You see, to a lot of people (including myself at one point) not having a steady job is terrifying. Not going to the office every day where I had a desk and work, was something that completely terrified me. I wanted the stability and security of having a job. Now, I’m not saying I’m going to quit my job and work as freelance for the thrill of maybe having a job or maybe not. (That would kill me, I do have some sort of stability needs.) But sitting in an office every day, now that is NOT something I can see myself doing for the next 50 years. I need a job that will be a different experience every day. Something that will allow me to travel and talk a lot. Because right now the effects of not talking during the day is really getting to me. I’m fighting it, but I’m becoming a total introvert. (I hate it.) I think ultimately my ideal job, would be having a tv show like Ellen, where i could go places, meet new people every day and make a difference some how. Part of me would be absolutely ecstatic, while the other half would be shaking of nervousness. And that fear of failing is what really keeps me from even thinking about going through with it. I have no idea how I could ever get into that, because that is an incredibly far fetched dream, but maybe continually working on my channel it could eventually lead me somewhere… So as you can see I am completely lost as to where I want my life to go, or what I want to do with my life. And I think that’s okay for now, because I do have a steady income for the time being, which can allow me to figure out what I want to do. One thing I have decided though, I do not want to live in the same town for too long. I’m currently in Chicago, but I want to live in NYC, and London within the next 8-10 years. I have plenty of time later to settle down and stay in the same town for my kids. (Although moving around alot as a kid, I might consider doing that with my kids, because when I look back at it now, I see it as a wonderful experience. 

So that is my rant of the day. Do you know what you’re doing with your life? Any ideas of what I should do with my life? Let me know,

Much love, 

xx

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