So the past couple days I have had one idea in my mind consuming my every thought.
New York City.
You may be asking, “What the hell are you talking about?”
Well, you see, I want to move there. So let’s take baby steps here. When I was doing my job hunt, Chicago is where I wanted to stay and didn’t want to move anywhere else. I was set on living here. And it’s a great city don’t get me wrong, but I’ve never felt lonelier in my life. I get the whole you’re a big girl now, you need to live by yourself in a big city. But you don’t actually think about the details. Yes I have great friends here, and the city is absolutely beautiful. But I have been here for an entire month and haven’t made a single new friend. I’ve loved having all this time to myself but at the same time I hate it.
But besides all that, the only thing I can seem to think of is how I felt last time I was in NYC. I honestly felt like I was on top of the world. I felt like I could do anything and everything. There is just some thing in the air there I swear. I was afraid before of being alone and overwhelmed. But in the one weekend I was there I made not only one but two friends that I talk to more than any of my other friends. I mean I met one that is basically, as crazy, loud and caring as I am. It’s weird because I met her for 3 hours and in a few short weeks we became best friends. I just love how that city gave me confidence and this amazing feeling of just following my dreams.
I’ve learned in the month I have been here, this is definitely not what I want to do for the rest of my life. But it’s great, because it’s giving me so much experience and skills that I probably otherwise wouldn’t have developed. But now I’m back to square one, on what do I want to do with my life. I mean if I could pick the absolutely ultimate thing to do with my life: have a job that does NOT require early mornings, do something that would be different every day, something that allowed me to travel and meet new people, and yeah maybe even something in front of a camera that requires me talking. I think that would be the ultimate dream for me. But the thing is no matter how much I fantasize, at the end of the day, would I really love that job as much as I think I would? Or would after a while I want to do something different? The whole uncertainty of it all is exciting but terrifying. I wish I knew what I wanted to do and what would make me happy. But at the same I don’t, because not knowing is allowing me to experience all these different things.
So yeah, basically, I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I’m thinking of maybe moving to New York City next year and live with F (the friend I mentioned above). The other advantage is now I would be a 4 hour bus ride from my family instead of a 3-hour plane ride. I think for a change it’d be nice to be close to home and go home any weekend I wanted.
So yeah, that big city is calling my name. Actually, I feel like at this point it’s yelling. But we’ll see where this all leads me. I’ll keep you all posted on my crazy life, and maybe we can all figure this out together. If you feel lost, talk to me, we can colelctively whine about what the heck is going on in our lives.