Hey Guys,So Super Special you guys get 2

Hey Guys,

So Super Special you guys get 2 posts today. 
Well for most of the day I’ve been in this super duper excited mood and just so happy. You know enjoying the sunny warm weather (which has caused me to tan from sitting outside during lunch) and just fangirling over my latest celeb crush (we all do it). And then sometimes reality likes to really suck the life out of the party and smack you across the face. 
So here’s my situation: I currently do have a job. But it is a temporary contractor position that may or may not get extended at the end of June. I can’t begin to tell you how frustating it is for me to not know what is going to happen in a month and a half. Granted that has allowed me to live my life for the now instead of worrying about the future. BUT then reality reminds me that in a month and a half you might not have a job and will still have to pay bills and rent. The good thing is, it’s not the end of the world for me, because worst case scenario my amazing grandma can give me a hand. But I like being independent and spending my own money that I make. Not to mention I have several small trips and one big trip in August to pay for. 
And then I have recently discovered that potentially what i could be good at and love doing is being a Tour Manager. It involves event planning, traveling, music, and a non-formal changing environment. It could be something really fun and could potentially be a passion of mine. (I mean I am going to 9 different concerts in different cities for the summer, so itll kind of be like being on tour) 
But of course like everything I choose in life, it’s incredibly difficult to get into. And after extensive conversations with my parents they keep telling me at least for right now I should get a job just to have a job to pay my rent. But here’s my issue, I don’t want to do something just to have something. I hate working for something I’m not passionate about. That’s what I’ve been doing my entire life. I’ve been doing things to please other people. Or even just what I thought I wanted to do. But it’s through experience that you learn the things you enjoy doing, so it was partly for me too. I guess my first hint that I shouldn’t be in the professional business world was that networking with other professionals who work in companies was dreadful and not something I enjoyed doing. I don’t enjoy small talk, if I want to talk to you, I want it to mean something. But now that I’ve been sort of discovering my passions I’ve realized that really this whole time I thought I was doing things for myself, but I haven’t. I’ve been doing things to make others happy. So with this new found discovery of my interest of Tour Managing, comes the whole job search again.
Now I’m not sure how many of you have gone through that process but it is a miserable and dreadful time. It truly is hard to cope with and remaine calm during the whole thing. 
But as I mentioned before what I want to do now is not easy, so I have to figure out a way to get started. I’ve posted today asking people for advice, and hopefully that will give me guidance. 
But in the mean time I do need to find a job that is going to pay the bills to say the least. But the problem is how do you search for that when absolutely nothing excites you except that dream of being on tour with bands organizing their trips and appearances. Ugh… the frustration of it all is too much. 
Well this rant all started because as I began searching for jobs I realized how drastically my  mood switched. i was giddy and jumping around so happy until I started searching for jobs and then I got so sad and just like ugh I don’t even want to try. 
I know this wasn’t helpful. But I just needed to get it out of my chest.

thanks for listening,

xx

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