So needless to say its been a while since I’ve written in here.
A lot has changed in that time. And a lot that has changed my life. I went to LA, had an amazing time. Met all my favorite YouTubers. Had an amazing time enjoying the beautiful city. Ended my job in Chicago. Started a new one, but quit soon after. Then I got one of the most horrifying news anyone could ever get.
“Your brother has passed away.” Were the words I woke up to on Aug 15th. My 21 year old brother, who i had seen a little over a month prior, was now gone. He had come spend his birthday and 4th of July with me. August 15th was quite possibly the longest day of my life.
I woke up at 7AM to that news. Went to the airport, got a flight to Boston at 11am. Once I arrived everything was upside down at my house. Answering phone calls all day long, they never seemed to stop ringing as more and more people found out about the news. At midnight I had to go to the airport to pick up my grandmother and great aunt. It was surreal at first. But now 2 months later, it starts to sink in. I have moved back to Boston and currently am living at home. My life is basically turned upside down. But I don’t want to go on and on about all that. Today I realized something. And I realized how life has a funny way of working out. On the day my mom and brother were leaving Chicago to return to Boston, I took them to the airport. As they were about to enter security, I hugged my mom. I then hugged my brother, not knowing that was the last time I’d ever hug him, and I said so only he could hear: “Take care of mom, dad and Barbie (our little sister), and take care of yourself, okay?” He was like “Okay. And you take care of yourself.”
I can’t help thinking that in this tragedy at least, the last words I spoke face to face with my brother were words that were going to ring true for the rest of my life and even in his after life. Because even though he’s gone, I know he’s still protecting us. I did speak to him on the phone one more time after I saw him, but I don’t think I could have ended with more perfect words.
This week, his school held a memorial. Both me and my sister spoke at the memorial. She was impeccable. Held her own and spoke from the heart. Everyone laughed at all her witty comments. I obviously cried my eyes out before I was able to properly recite the words I had practiced so many times. She even offered to read mine, but I wanted to finish what I had started, I wanted to honor him. But it was 2 lines in my sisters speech that will stick with me for a very long time, and bring tears to my eyes every time I even think about.
“But I know he’ll always protect me, because that’s just what big brothers do.”
If you read this and you want to respond but don’t know how to, don’t worry. I know its a tough situation for everyone, and you may not always know what you should say. Trust me, I still don’t.
Hope everyone is having a wonderful day, and I’m sorry if this was more tragic than normal. But sadly life isn’t always roses and butterflies.
Much love (and today hug everyone you love),