23 and Tired

For the most part, I consider myself a relatively happy person. But funny enough the hardest part of my job is pretending to be happy all the time. As a receptionist, you are the face of the company. You have to constantly deal with anyone that walks in or calls and all the employees and you have to seem happy all the time. And I say “have” because if I don’t then I get the question of “what’s wrong?” or “are you okay?” And let’s face it those are as annoying as ever. Because my genuine response is not one people want to hear. My genuine response would be; “No, I’m not. I work at a job that I am way too over qualified for. I have to answer phones which i something I hate. I deal with rude people sometimes. I am living at home. I have no idea what I want to do with my future. And I’m more lonely than you can imagine. So no I’m not okay.” But I put up a front, because it’s what you expect.

By now I imagine, at least one of you is going “Why don’t you just find another job?” Well, here’s the truth: I’m tired. I’m 23 years old and tired. That must sound absolutely ridiculous. Right? Well it’s true.

Since 6 months before I graduated I’ve been constantly on job searches. After I graduated I spent 6 months searching only to get a contracting position that lasted 7 months. And within those 7 months, every month was uncertain if I’d be continuing. Once that I ended, I started on something else for 2 weeks before tragedy striked ( I lost my brother). I then quit that job, and moved back home. I did nothing for 2 months while I grieved and figured out my life. Then for about 2 months I did a lot of temporary things. And I stumbled upon what I’ve now been doing for 5 months. But I still am doing some job searching. So I got comfortable. But the past 2 years have been constant job searches with many, many fails. And I’m tired and miserable. I’ve been trying to figure out what I even want to do, because that is still uncertain to me. Sometimes I just hope I get some sort of sign of what I’m supposed to do. I’m not saying hand me a job on a silver platter, but at least an indication of what direction I’m supposed to head, would be nice.

So after that rant, I want to tell you all I’m not entirely miserable. We’re moving to our own house and that’s awesome. (Even if I am still living at home I am honestly trying to find happiness within it.) I am planning trips and enjoying the little things in life. So I’m not depressed, just tired of life a little bit. I know that I should be happy and thankful for my life. But today I’m just a little tired.

Thanks for listening internet!
Much love always! 🙂

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