In every girls life there are certain pivotal moments that change us for the rest of our lives. Moments that involve a certain matter we would all like to be experts on, love. Love is a driving force behind a lot of what we do. Anything from great leaps of faith to the biggest mistakes of our life are usually driven by love. And at the end of the day that’s okay, because our intentions are good even if the outcome isn’t. And if we get an outcome that we didn’t want, we learn and we grow from it.
Once I was asked “How do you do it? How do you just get back out there?”
And my answer is very simple. If I don’t, then what’s the point. What’s the point in life, if you’re going to live scared and closed off. Life demands to be felt in every way. It wants to bring you exhilarating moments, as well as detrimental ones that make the good ones stand out. If you don’t put yourself out there in love, you never know what could have happened. And I am a person who can’t live with the ‘what if’s of the world. It would kill me to think of possibilities instead of living them.
But, what brought on this discussion? Why did I decide to write about this? Well, as I sat one night this week talking to a friend, reminder her of a piece of advice I have given her a million times, I decided there are probably a few more girls out there who need to hear this too.
As much as I am telling you to put yourself out there and love, there is one thing that is vital to grow. If a boy has wronged you, has made you feel less worthy or simply used you (and that goes for any sense of the way used) walk away. Walking away from someone you care or love, is quite possibly one of the hardest things you will ever put yourself through. Walking away, is final and means there is absolutely no looking back.
This friend of mine fell for a boy who used her and she couldn’t let him go. There is definitely some of you out there that can identify with her. I told her, stop talking to him and let him go. She said yeah sure thing no problem. I’m cutting him off for good. Two weeks later she gave in and was talking to him again. They became friends again and the whole thing happened again. She swore him off and next thing I knew she was still talking to him. It was a toxic detrimental relationship and in the process I saw her being broken down and I began to lose her. As a friend, it’s a hard thing to see. You feel completely helpless, like what your saying is in a different language and she just can’t understand you.
But here’s the bottom line, when I told her stop talking to him, that meant don’t talk to him for at least 6 months. Well, you may be thinking I’m all talk right now. Right? Well, here’s my argument: I’ve had two major relationships in my life and both of them were ended by me. In both cases we were crazy about each other, but for one reason or another I knew that relationship wouldn’t work. And I knew that I needed to end it. To be honest, it killed me a little. So I ended it, and with that I cut off all communication with them. My luck was both boys were very understanding and upset that they had no desire to talk to me. But trust me when I say, more than once I wanted to call them and tell them I was sorry and that I wanted them back. And chances are they would’ve taken me back. But deep down, I knew it wasn’t the right thing so I decided to suffer for the time being rather than all over later on. All of this is also true for little crushes that rejected me here and there. I wanted so badly to keep trying to reconnect with them but I knew it was better for my own heart not to.
I’m not sure if everything I’m saying is making sense or if it’s all coming out to rambles. What I’m trying to say is this:
If you’ve been hurt and you’re trying to move on from this guy, stop talking to him. Don’t text him, don’t call him, don’t Facebook chat him. If he reaches out to you, do NOT respond. Ignore him until you know deep down that if you talk to him you won’t fall back into your old ways. You need to give your own heart time to heal and move past this guy. And when I say you know deep down, that means it’s been 6 months you are completely and utterly over him and if he proposed to you right then and there you’d say no. That’s when you know, you’re over them. This is vital to make you stop falling back into the same patterns.
Just remember, there is someone out there who will value you and cherish you and love you unconditionally. This guy who uses you and keeps you around for his ego is not the guy.
Take care of yourselves first always!
Much love always,