“Where do I fit in?” Is a question we often face in every stage of our life. For me, it’s been something I’ve always struggled with. The simple fact of moving around allows you to be able to adapt but also makes it so much harder to truly fit in somewhere. But whether you’re a kid, teenager, or adult you often encounter this question and often don’t know how to deal with it.
This question has been prevalent in my life throughout the different stages of my life. In school, you always wonder if you’re being included in your friend groups. This is the age where you’re still figuring out who you even are as a person. That alone is hard enough, and trying to find a group of friends that is a good fit can be quite the challenge. In college, you have several different groups to fulfill different needs. This is the time you have your party friends, your study buddies, your chill friends, and your best friends that are with you through it all. Through those times, I can guarantee most of the those groups shift yearly. And that’s totally okay. And as an adult things change drastically. As an adult you are responsible, working and sort of free. But with adulthood you don’t have places where you can meet people. For example, in college you mostly meet college students in class, out at a bar, party or someone’s dorm or apartment. In adulthood, you can meet people anywhere but I think it’s so much harder to actually become friends.
In my case, one of the only time I really felt like I fit in with a group was with a guy friend group of mine in college. But the funny thing is even then, I was the only girl and that made me a little bit of an outcast within that group. The only other instance I’ve felt like part of a group was with my best girlfriends in high school. But even then, after we graduated we all drifted apart. With other groups of friends I’ve always felt like a bit of an outcast. Now, alone with one or 2 friends I truly feel comfortable and not left out. So this begs the question, am I just not cut out to be part of a large group of friends? Or does everyone suffer with this?
What happens when as an adult you make really good friends, but those friends don’t necessarily do the things you do? For example, what if you are always up to party, go to a bar, or even just go out but your friends prefer more quiet nights or are always too busy? What do you do then? Well my dear, dear readers that is where I need your help. I have amazing friends, who I am thankful for having in my life, but I am 24 years young and sitting at home Friday nights is just not acceptable.
You read that correctly, most of my weekend plans consist of staying in on Friday and Saturday nights. And to be perfectly honest, it is driving me insane. This year, the only person I’ve been to the movies with is my own mother. I’ve been out maybe 5 or 6 times since the start of the year. In college I was out Tuesdays through Saturdays. After that I downsized drastically to mostly on weekends. But it’s so hard, because your size of friends or acquaintances that are willing to go out is much smaller.
Here is something that needs to be understood about me. I don’t mind doing things on my own. I often times go to concerts alone because my friends all have different taste in music. That doesn’t bother me much any more.However, I don’t like going to movies alone because I love to talk about movies after I’ve seen them. And that’s not something you can do, if you go alone. But going out alone, now that’s just sad and creepy. At bars and clubs I hate it when my friends leave me alone to go to the bathroom, so imagine going to a place like that on your own. It’s terrifying and just weird. Come on, you all know it’s true. You see someone show up alone, you automatically label them as weird.
So I’m asking for some advice here. What should I do about my life? I want to be out there enjoying my youth! Enjoying meeting new people! But I can’t if I’m stuck at home because I have no one to go with me. What are you guys doing? How do you make sure people are inviting you out? And how do you find the people you go out with?
In advance, I thank you for the advice. (And I realize how pathetic and weird I sound. But the first step is admitting it, am I right?)
Much love always,