At some point or another in your lifetime you’ve heard “You need to be happy with yourself first, before you can be with someone else.” Or at least some version of that statement. While this statement is absolutely true, the extent to which some people use this has gotten a bit much.
Throughout my years as a teen and even now, every time I say I am sad because I am lonely I have often been responded with ‘don’t be, your life should be complete without a man.’ And to all of you I say: Stop right there! There are so many things wrong with that thought.
In our most basic form we are animals. Animals, for the most part, like to be included in groups. Even more so, they find mates, whether it’s one or several. So as a basic animal instinct we crave partnership and companionship. But let’s go even further than just animal instinct. As a human being, regardless of who you love, most of us desire to find a partner. While you may have a great life filled with joy and fun and love, there will always be a part of you craving that deep emotional connection with a partner. And that longing causes sadness. So I’m here to tell you, IT’S OKAY! It’s okay to feel lonely and sad. Being lonely and sad doesn’t mean you have any less of a great life or that you don’t love yourself. It simply means you are human, and one of your basic needs isn’t being met.
While you can have a great life with a great job, great friends and a lot of fun and love around you, you can still feel an emptiness from that part in your heart that hasn’t been filled. That is you telling yourself something isn’t quite right. For me, I currently feel that way. I have a great family, great friends and a pretty good life. And I am so grateful for everything I do have in my life, but there is still one very important thing missing. My entire life, I’ve always dreamed of finding my perfect man. And I believe that until I find that man, part of me will always be lonely and sad. Most of my life, people have made me feel bad for feeling that way. Until one day I decided enough was enough. I am allowed to feel exactly the way I feel. While there are other things that are very important to other people, finding love is very important to me. So until I find my prince charming, I will feel exactly the way I want to thank you very much.
Some people make it sound like a bad thing if you are sad because of the lack of a partner. And truth be told, they’re probably making you feel like that because they feel like that. When they say, focus on other things in your life, it’s simply so that you can focus on the good things in your life instead of the bad or sad.
I’m here to tell you something different than what you’ve been probably told most of your life. It is not only important but healthy that you go through all of the emotions. If you feel happy great enjoy every ounce of that feeling. If you are sad, that’s okay too. Take in all the sadness and really let yourself go. Cry if you need to and be sad. Because being sad makes you appreciate all the happy moments. Plus we all know how unhealthy it is to just keep things bottled up inside. So if you’re angry find a good healthy outlet. Mine is talking and the gym. (If you ever need to let out stress or anger, use these. They’re awesome and great for relieving any anger.) Whatever emotion you are feeling, really feel it. It is healthy and necessary that you completely feel every emotion. Because, truth be told, it’s a pretty amazing thing that we have such an array of emotions to go through.
The bottom line is this, if you feel sad and lonely because you don’t have a partner, that is absolutely okay. No one should make you feel bad for feeling the way you do. And you’re not alone in feeling the way you do. We all feel sad and lonely at some point, it’s part of life. So go have yourself a life full of emotions! Trust me, the bad emotions make the good ones feel that much better!
Much love always,